People often ask "Why did you go natural?". I want to take a moment to ask the reverse. Why did I NOT go natural? In other words, what took me so long?
I was one of the lucky ones to at least have memories of healthy, long, natural hair. Why was even that memory not enough? Where did the fear of the change to natural hair come from?
I wasn't too style-conscious as a child with natural hair. Having hair on my head was enough for me (evidence, the less than stylish dos I got from my mom that didn't embarrass me in the least lol). I begged to get a relaxer before I started highschool because to me it was something that adults and cool teens did. From that point on I was on my own with taking care of my hair but I was fine with that. I was young and my hair managed to thrive without me doing much or knowing what I was doing. It survived harsh shampoos, drying alcohols, mediocre conditioners and next to no oils or deep conditioners. So hair was handled right? My hair was forever dry and products that promised to moisturize didn't deliver but overall I was happy with my hair. That was the beginning of the mental conditioning: that disconnect between myself and my hair, that mistrust and perception of futileness regarding the use of products or even hair care on the whole. Nothing I did or didn't do would make much difference right? So why bother. It was doing okay right? That became my philosophy for the entire time I was relaxed. After a change in climate due to relocation, and a decade or two, I started experiencing more breakage than before, and while my hair seemed a good enough length, I had become accustomed to having damaged hair that got by without thriving. My motto became "as long as I still have some". I convinced myself flippantly that it didn't matter. I gave up on buying products based on fancy promises and just bought natural oils for my hair. The results were the same as before. Cheaper, but otherwise not drastically improved. But still, I didn't see a problem. This was my new normal. Periods of growth and breakage, sometimes one then the other, sometimes both at once. "Oh well," I'd say.
I started hearing about, and even seeing a few people go natural. But I told myself, why make such a change? What was the point? This relaxer was fine and it was convenient too and my hair was doing ok, I have some on my head after all right? My first reaction to team natural was to become firmly team relaxed. Who did those natural girls think they were and why were they suddenly talking about hair like if it mattered? Isn't hair just something on your head so that you could have normal hairstyles / decorations and not look strange? Why were they talking about relaxers being dangerous? Why were they judging and stereotyping women with relaxers? Especially since some of them wear weaves? It might be fried but at least my relaxed hair is all mine right! I had convinced myself that I was ok, that relaxers were fine, that most likely nothing bad would happen due to using them. I had convinced myself that hair meant nothing, it was just something on your head and that I liked the convenience of relaxers and I couldn't do without it. I didn't even allow myself to think about what my hair would be like without relaxers and when I did I just pictured a humongous, thick, afro that I wouldn't be able to even comb, far less do anything stylish with. I didn't even think about the big chop and short hair aspect of it yet. I didn't know enough about what making the switch would entail. I just reaffirmed relaxers and completely refused to think about any alternative. As an honest person, I couldn't keep that up for long though. I kept hearing about the study linking relaxers to fibroids and after a while I could no longer dismiss it. I kept enduring my growing and breaking hair and after a while I just wanted a change. I discussed a few options with my stylist: I had never done weaves but I was willing to get some box braids in for a couple months. Around that time I joined a few Facebook groups about transitioning and became "natural curious." After taking out the braids I decided to just keep going. I was officially a transitioner. I soon got tired of transitioning though. I couldn't get many styles to work, I was dead tired of bantu knots all the time and the line between my kinky and relaxed hair meant I couldn't treat my hair like either one. After a couple months of that I decided it was time for the chop.
I thought I had done my research. I bought my accessories and plastic earrings. I thought I was ready. But nope. Nothing really prepares you except coming home with your own hair on your head in its natural state with no filter. At first I was in short shock. At first I did have those thoughts about looking plain, like a boy, etc. At first my hair was dry DRY DRY. Well duh it was dry, I had not learned about the LOC/LCO methods, about avoiding sulphates, about the importance of conditioner or ANY of that. How the heck did I think I was prepared??? Looking back I always shake my head that I thought I was so ready at the time lol. Thanks to some timely tips from my favorite Facebook natural hair support groups, I figured out how to moisturize my hair. I got used to my hair and then I started loving it and then I got used to it some more. Now I am one of those annoying naturals who loves their hair and can't wait for wash day (I mean literally, is wash day tomorrow? No not yet ... :( .. kind of natural). I have a regimen that works for me and does not take a lot of time - I style twice per week and refresh on the other days. I am focused on hair health. I enjoy walking around my house and not seeing broken hairs everywhere. I am confident and happy and that is reflected by positive attention from the people I encounter. I love it!
So why didn't I do it sooner? It's natural for humans to incorporate certain persistent things about our look into our identity and resist changing that. As women, hair is part of what society views as our beauty so we don't want to mess with that in a potentially negative way. Black people in general have not been taught how to care for our hair, so we frequently develop a detachment to our hair situation, often born out of hopelessness and frustration. We are taught that kinky hair is difficult to manage which leads us to think that, no matter how bad our hair situation is while we are relaxed, things would surely only go from bad to worse if we went natural. Years of relaxed hair has led to us normalizing damaged hair and convincing ourselves that our hair looks fine. We are either detached from thinking about hair health at all or it's so far from what we imagine for ourselves that we feel that going natural won't make much difference to our hair health anyway. We cling to what we know and reaffirm it undeservedly, we see it as not so bad, or we say at least its this or that. We are afraid to disrupt our lives with such a drastic change. We feel naturalness is unnecessary, uninteresting, tedious, hard, time consuming. We feel that those ahead of us who made the change to natural hair are either secretly strange, have little else to do, lucked into success or are otherwise some sort of unicorns who we can't relate to. So what do you do if you are someone who's still on the other side? How do you switch your mindset all the way around and go from sticking firmly to relaxers to loving everything about natural hair? I feel like the only way to do it is to do it, and instead of just doing it, do it sooner! Whenever you do make the switch is never soon enough once you realize what you were missing. It's never soon enough once you realize how much more fulfilled you are to know that something so natural and intrinsic to you is strong, healthy and beautiful. That is what it's like to be natural, it's a uniquely empowering experience. If you are thinking about it, or even if you're refusing to think about it, please know that your feelings are not strange or abnormal. You are responding in a completely normal way to the way our lives and the lives of those before us have been shaped. Being relaxed is completely okay. Not everyone will make the journey to natural and that's fine. You are no less for that. However know that you have the power to break free and to see that part of who you are grow and blossom. If you're looking for reasons to try it then do it for healthy hair, do it for your own unique beauty, do it for yourself. I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to keep doing the same old thing. In a sense it's a change, but once you make it, it feels more like coming home.
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